


By Land, By Sea, By Dirigible

by pinn



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-20
Updated: 2010-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-06 12:46:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/53806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinn/pseuds/pinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quick and easy way to make aerostatic force seem sexy. Hint: Have Sheppard explain it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Land, By Sea, By Dirigible

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from 'Sons and Daughters' by The Decemberists.

"The marine biologists want a boat."

John relaxes from his swing, lowers his golf club, and sighs. "Rodney, you do realize that I'm off today, don't you?"

"Really?" Rodney squints. "Oh, I remember seeing something about that on the calendar but I didn't think you were serious."

"I was serious. Now, if you don't mind, my swing's a little rusty." John turns back around to the water, shakes his hips, and lines up his club.

"Didn't you hear me? They want a boat! For some reason, the jumpers aren't good enough for them and they put together a whole proposal about how they need a boat and Weir agrees so now I need to find time, resources, and manpower for their boat."

At this rate, John's not going to be able to try out the club he borrowed from Rodgers down in Edaphology. It's a shame too, it cost him six weeks of dessert rations. "What's so wrong with a boat? It'll be good for them. You know how twitchy that department gets when they're not allowed near the water for long periods of time."

"Please, they probably only want it so they can go get high without worrying about anyone catching them. I know marine biologists, they're just a bunch of hippies with Ph.D.s. They'll probably name the boat S.S. Dude, I'm So Stoned."

John laughs and says, "At least they don't want to build a dirigible."

Rodney stares at him and John swears he can see Rodney think up and throw out fifteen different insults before he asks, "What does a dirigible have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, it's just a lot easier to build a boat than it is to build a dirigible."

"How would you even know that?"

John leans against the wall. "See, Rodney, I'm in this organization, maybe you've heard of it, called the Air Force. The funny thing about them is that they tend to make sure that their pilots actually understand the principles of flight and different planes before they let us in the cockpit. It's crazy but it's just crazy enough to ensure that they have well-trained pilots in all their aircraft."

"You're just a veritable fount of knowledge, aren't you?"

"I like to think so," John smirks. "Seriously, dirigibles are pretty cool. I mean, they're aerostatic for one thing." John glances over at Rodney, whose mouth is open. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You're incredibly hot when you talk about aerostatic force."

"Turns you on a bit, doesn't it?" John winks.

"Disturbingly so." Rodney glances down at his data pad and back up at John. "Right, so I could probably arrange to take this afternoon off."

"Were you planning on working on your swing too?" John knows perfectly well what Rodney's getting at but it's much more fun to make him spell it out.

Rodney rolls his eyes and says, "You can't pretend to be dumb, not after you've talked about aerostatic force. You know perfectly well if I took this afternoon off, we'd spend it in my quarters, having sex and talking about physics, probably at the same time."

John swallows and tightens his grip around the club. The other thing about getting Rodney to say what he wants is that it's pretty hot. "Oh, it's up to you. I don't really have any plans for this afternoon, just playing some golf and getting some sun."

"Is that why it looks like you're about to snap your club in half?" Rodney waves his hand and turns to leave. "Never mind, just meet me in my quarters in fifteen."

John turns back to the water and counts to ten, trying to get himself under control so he can walk through the halls and not look like he's running off to get laid. Once he's ready to go, he puts the club back in his golf bag and smiles regretfully. It's a good thing he's not a big dessert fan.

 

* * *

 

Two weeks later, John's browsing the Atlantis version of Craig's List, looking for some black t-shirts, when he sees that someone's got a copy of 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' up for grabs. More importantly, they're willing to trade it for John's copy of 'Logan's Run'. 'The Last Crusade' isn't his favorite Indiana Jones movie, but it's still pretty good and it'll be funny to watch Rodney wig out over a movie that glamorizes the soft sciences.

John's on his way to Rodney's quarters the next night, movie in hand, when he runs into Ronon and Teyla leaving the cafeteria. "What's going on?"

"We've just finished our meal and are about to go meditate." Teyla smiles.

Judging by the look on Ronon's face, he'd rather do anything but and John decides to help him out. "I'm on my way to Rodney's to watch a movie, you're welcome to join me."

"Yeah, we can come." Ronon's reply is quick.

Teyla arches an eyebrow at Ronon before she turns to John. "If you are sure that Rodney will be okay with this, then I would be agreeable to watching a movie."

"Yeah, it'll be fine." They follow him to Rodney's room, where they manage to carve out enough space for four people to sit comfortably and still be able to see the movie screen. John and Ronon are delegated to the floor while Teyla and Rodney take over the bed.

They get to the part where Jones and his father board the zeppelin to get away from the Nazis, and Teyla looks up, confused. "What exactly is that machine?"

Both Rodney and Ronon look at John and he sighs. "It's a zeppelin. They were popular on Earth for a while before airplanes were common." Teyla gives him a blank look.

"You've seen pictures of planes, right?" At Teyla's nod, John continues, "Well, planes work using propellers and wings to produce lift, or the force that gets them off the ground. They're aerodynamic. The jumpers operate under the same principle. You with me so far?"

"I think so. Please continue."

"You see the big balloon? It's filled with gas and that's how it gets off the ground - the gas in the balloon is lighter than the outside air."

"And are these machines are safe?" Teyla asks.

"No," Rodney interjects. "They used to blow up all the time."

"There were some problems with them," John concedes. "But they were the first controlled aircraft and that's pretty cool."

"I do not quite understand how they work but it seems as though they would be enjoyable," Teyla says.

Ronon clears his throat. "We used to have something like that on Sateda."

John and Rodney look at him in surprise. "Really?" Rodney asks. "I didn't think Sateda was that advanced."

Ronon nods. "It only flew on our day of rest and the waiting list was two months long but Melena and I went up as often as we could."

No one speaks for a few seconds until Teyla says, "It sounds lovely, Ronon."

They turn the movie back and on and watch the rest of it, stopping again to explain the Holy Grail and the Crusades to Ronon and Teyla.

After the movie's done, Ronon and Teyla leave Rodney's quarters together, quietly talking about Sateda. John leans against the bed and looks up at Rodney, sprawled across the bed. "That's such a great movie."

"God, why do I put up with you and your awful taste in movies? First of all, archeology is barely a science. Secondly, all he did was look at a bunch of old bones and make up theories, and everyone idolized him. If only my life was that easy."

John pushes himself up and kneels, looking down at Rodney. "You got turned on again when I explained aerostatic force to Teyla, didn't you?"

"Guilty." Rodney slides over on the bed. "But I'm still a little confused about aerostatic versus aerodynamic force. Maybe you could go over it some more."

"You do realize this is a pretty weird kink, right?"

"Shut up and get in bed."

"If I must." John crawls onto the bed.

 

* * *

 

"Sir, can I ask you something?"

John looks around their makeshift camp, a cave they haven't left for the past two days, thanks to the natives who booby-trapped it in the hopes of destroying the evil foreigners, and replies, "Why not, Lorne? I'm not going anywhere."

Lorne pushes himself up against the wall. "If you could fly any plane in the world, what would you fly?"

"That's an odd question." John turns on his flashlight and checks Lorne's pupils. One of them is almost completely blown and the other looks normal. "Why are you asking?"

"I was just curious if you had any regrets."

"Lorne, if you're trying to imply that we're not going to make it out of here alive, I'd appreciate it if you could do that elsewhere."

"Sir, we've been in this cave for four days with no hope of rescue. We're not going to make it."

Lorne's losing his sense of time and, from what John remembers of his first aid training, that's never a good sign. With any luck, Rodney's figured out their position by now and John won't have to play doctor much longer. "We're the number one and number two military people in Atlantis. We can't die." He's lying and he and Lorne both know it.

"Sheppard, stop bullshitting me and answer the question."

"What do I wish I could have flown? I don't know."

John leans against the wall next to Lorne and thinks about it. Between his conversation with Rodney last month and the movie last week, he's been thinking about dirigibles a lot lately. He flashes back on something that they were designing around the time that he joined the Air Force. "I got it," he says. "A helistat."

"A what?"

"Didn't you learn about them at the Academy? Part helicopter, part airship. Ugly motherfuckers and they couldn't fly for shit but there was something about them that intrigued me. They used four helicopters and a balloon like the one on the Goodyear blimp."

"Oh yeah, I remember reading about that and thinking it was pretty stupid."

"Thanks, Major," John replies.

"A buddy of mine flies one of the Goodyear blimps. He started doing it after he got out of the service."

"Does he like it?" There's no reply and John nudges Lorne in the dark. Still no reply and John's palms get sweaty. He finds a pulse, but it's faint.

Just as he's about to lower Lorne to the ground and check his pupils again, Rodney calls out from the opening of the cave. "Sheppard, Lorne, I know you wanted to get away, but the next time you take a vacation, you might want to think about someplace that offers more than rocks for pillows."

And with that, the cavalry has arrived.

 

* * *

 

Later, after Beckett's pronounced John fit as a slightly dehydrated fiddle and admitted Lorne for observation, John leaves the infirmary and heads straight to Rodney's office.

As he walks in, Rodney says, without looking up, "I hope you and Lorne had fun on your little holiday. Some of us were busy saving your ass again, and didn't get the afternoon off."

Rodney doesn't scare John anymore. He knows all this bitching about John supposedly being on vacation is Rodney's way of saying it's not okay for him to be off Atlantis for that long again. At least not without Rodney.

"Yeah, it was a blast. The accommodations were amazing, there was always something to do, and the company was great," John replies. Just because he knows Rodney's quirks doesn't mean he can't bust his balls every once in a while.

"I don't doubt you and Lorne had non-stop fun. What exactly did you do while you were trapped in that cave?"

"You mean, besides trying to hold our position?" John shrugs. "We talked. You know, what did I think about the landmines, how did he feel about constantly getting shot at, what kinds of planes did we wish that we could've had the chance to fly."

Rodney looks dubiously at John. "What did you say?"

John rocks back on his heels and smirks before he answers. "Helistat. Part helicopter, part dirigible."

Rodney groans. "Again with the zeppelins. I thought I'd stop hearing about them after the movie but it'll never stop, will it?"

Rodney finishes shutting down his computer and they leave his office. As they head toward John's quarters, John says, "I'll stop talking about them when they stop being cool."

"What was Lorne's pick?"

"I don't know. He passed out before he could answer and then you showed up. I guess we'll just have to walk into another ambush before I find out."

"Oh yes, because that would be the smartest thing you've ever done." Rodney stops in the middle of the hall and cocks his head. "You know, Radek and I found plans for an Ancient airship once. It didn't have the big balloon, obviously, but it was the same principle."

"So the Ancients were experimenting with different types of ships?"

Rodney nods. "It looks like it, or maybe it was a precursor to the Jumper. We filed them somewhere. I'm sure Radek knows where the plans are if you want to look at them later."

John forces down a little thrill of excitement. "That could be fun."

"Oh please, Colonel Play-it-cool, don't try that on me. I know you, you're probably itching to go search the database and build yourself a prototype. I saw your office at SGC, there were model planes all over the place."

John looks at Rodney as they reach his quarters. He tries to avoid sounding defensive and fails as he asks, "So what if I am?"

"I'm in a relationship with someone who has the hobbies of a nine-year-old boy."

John laughs for the first time in days. "If you're nice to me, I'll build you one so you can put it on your desk. If you're really nice to me, I'll describe the function of each part as I put it together."

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"Well, while you're busy taking the high road, I'm going to shower. I smell like I've just spent the last two days in a cave." John stops at the door to the bathroom and looks back. "You're welcome to join me, unless you think you need to stick to your guns about my weird hobbies. But I'd like to remind you that I'm not the one who gets turned on whenever someone talks about aerodynamics."

Rodney moves his head from side to side for a few seconds before he shrugs. "I've always prided myself on keeping an open mind, and accepting people's weird predilections."

"That's very sporting of you."

"I know." Rodney races past him to shower. "Last one in has to wash my back."

John laughs and follows him. Radek owes him a favor and John has no doubt he'll be getting the schematics for the Ancient airship within a day. With any luck, he'll have the model built by Rodney's birthday.


End file.
